How To Respond To A Narcissist Text? (Perfect answer)

Can a narcissist have a happy marriage?

  • Narcissists can be happily married… to compliant, subservient, self-deprecating and indiscriminately supportive spouses. They also can be happily married to masochists. However, a healthy, normal person would not be happy in an intimate-less narcissistic relationship.


How do you respond to a narcissist message?

Take these steps to handle a narcissist:

  1. Educateyourself. Find out more about the disorder. It can help you understand the narcissist’s strengths and weaknesses and learn how to handle them better.
  2. Create boundaries. Be clear about your boundaries.
  3. Speak up for yourself. When you need something, be clear and concise.

What to say to disarm a narcissist?

Here are the steps you should take:

  • Don’t argue about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’
  • Instead, try to empathise with their feelings.
  • Use ‘we’ language.
  • Don’t expect an apology.
  • Ask about a topic that interests them.
  • Don’t take the bait yourself.
  • Remember to put yourself first.

Is it worth replying to a narcissist?

Responding instead of reacting is a life skill, not just for recovery after narcissistic abuse. It will help you throughout your life to maintain your power and not react in an emotional way because there will always be people who try to push your buttons.

What happens when you don’t reply to a narcissist?

If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They’ll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.

Should I respond to narcissist text?

Ignore their text to protect yourself and give yourself relief. Follow the “no contact” rule and leave a narcissist’s text unanswered. “No contact” means you will ignore any communication from a narcissist. When you stop seeing texts from a narcissist, you’ll feel a lot better.

How do you outdo a narcissist?

Here’s how to deal with a narcissist:

  1. Don’t. Think haunted house.
  2. Kiss Up Or Shut Up. If they’re your boss or they have power over you, fighting makes it worse.
  3. Know What You Want And Get Payment Up Front. Don’t assume they’ll play fair.
  4. Ask, “What would people think?” They want to look good.
  5. Be Dexter.

How do you neutralize a narcissist?

4 Tricks to Neutralize Narcissists

  1. Leverage the fact that narcissists like to be associated with higher status people.
  2. Recognize that narcissists are generally not good team players since there are few people whom they consider their equals.
  3. Stick to the rules.
  4. Protect your other reports.

What turns a narcissist off?

When you don’t depend on anyone to make money and you use your abundance to take care of yourself and not predators, you will always have the ability to control your own future. This is power, and pathologically envious narcissists are often turned off by it because it means they cannot easily control a victim.

What phrases to use with a narcissist?

” You’re a bad person.” “Nobody else will ever love you.” “I’m the best you’ll ever have.” “Have fun being alone for the rest of your life.”

What happens when you cut ties with a narcissist?

Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won’t let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.

What happens when you give a narcissist the silent treatment?

Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.

How do narcissists react when you block them?

Most narcissists will not readily change their behavior once you ignore them. They might make half-hearted attempts to “get better,” but they often abandon these efforts once they can refuel their narcissistic supply. This pattern often leads you to feel exhausted, resentful, and angry.

When the narcissist knows you have figured him out?

2. They exude manipulative behaviors. When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right.

How does a narcissist handle rejection and no contact?

With narcissists, almost everything is well thought out and calculated. If we do not reach out to them or reject them, they are going to realize that we are standing up for ourselves. Thus, given their addiction to the feeling of power, narcissists will then feel threatened and will go into desperate mode.

How does a narcissist feel when they see you with someone else?

Narcissistic people are unable to feel genuine happiness because they severely, or even completely, lack a sense of genuine self. So when they see someone else doing well, they feel envy and resentment. Here, the narcissist believes that they deserve whatever you have achieved because they are better than you.

How to Respond to a Narcissist’s Text

Documentation Download Documentation Download Documentation Have you received a text message from a narcissist and are unsure of what to send in response? You now have the opportunity to put some of your self-empowerment methods into action. There are a variety of approaches you may use to respond to a narcissist’s SMS in a calm and protective manner. Continue reading for some suggestions on how to reply, including no-contact tactics as well as low-contact engagement. Whenever a narcissist comes out to you, employ one of these strategies to help you feel more confident and strong.

  1. 1 Ignore their text in order to protect yourself and provide respite for yourself. Don’t respond to text messages from narcissists, as this is considered “no contact.” A narcissist’s message will be ignored if you state that you will not communicate with him. The most effective technique to implement the “no contact” strategy is to delete any text messages that you get from others. You can also choose to block the phone number of a narcissist. When you have eliminated all means of communication with them, reward yourself with enjoyable activities and excellent company.
  • When you stop receiving SMS from a narcissist, your mood will improve dramatically. The chemicals in your brain that may have caused you to feel emotionally tied to the narcissist will no longer be active, and you will feel more energetic as a result.
  1. 1 Keep your responses brief in order to keep the discourse on track. If you need to communicate with them because you co-parent a kid or because you need to address a serious topic such as a court case, choose “low contact” communication. When you minimize the amount of time you spend communicating with a narcissist and the frequency with which you speak with them, you are referred to as “low contact.” When you send a text message that is only one word long, you have the freedom to concentrate on the elements that are important to you and move on with your day.
  • If you want to go from “low contact” to “no contact,” make a list of the reasons a narcissist appears in your life and the steps you will take to eliminate them from your life. Perhaps you’ve been bumping into them because you attend the same family functions as they do. Examine the possibility of scheduling alternative visits with your other relatives
  • You may find yourself missing family reunions, filing for divorce, or joining a new club as a result. You will be able to spend more time apart from a narcissist and you will have less to talk about as a result.
  1. 1 Specify the therapy you are willing to take in order to advocate for yourself. Inform them that they will only be able to text once a week or after work. You might also explain that you only have a limited amount of time to conduct a courteous discourse with the other person. If you need to talk about facts rather than views, feel free to do so as well. Express what is best for you and any guidelines you require them to follow in order to keep in touch with you.
  • “Please text me when you get home from work.” The following Tuesday: “I am available to chat.” The following Wednesday: “I’ll reply if we only talk about the kids’ progress reports.”
  1. 1 Discuss past events that you recall and rank your points of view in order of importance. Answer a text from someone else’s point of view by providing your own personal narrative of any scenario that includes them. For example, if they claim that you prioritize work above personal time, you might point out that you do not work extra and that you take vacations. Return to whatever point you choose to make and be sure to take your own findings into consideration
  • “I have screenshots of the exchange,” says the author. • “Four parents present at the PTA meeting can attest to what I stated.” • “I can give three scenarios that demonstrate how patient I can be.”
  1. 1 Tell them about any of their behaviors that you admire in order to motivate them to change. If they text you and you determine that it is in your best interests to respond, be selective with the words you choose. For example, if you require them to pick up your children after swim practice, express your appreciation for their parenting abilities. If you give them a little confidence boost, they’ll be more willing to assist you. Recall that when you express approbation to a narcissist, you are just benefiting yourself
  2. You are not helping them.
  • “I appreciate all you’re doing to assist me throughout this transition. “Could you possibly bring my movie collection over to you?” “I genuinely appreciate that you’ve been on time with your child support payments.”
  • “You’re a natural at filing and keeping things organized. “Would you mind bringing those documents over to my office tomorrow?”
  1. 1 Inform them that you wish to spend more time talking to other individuals in order to keep the conversation brief. Remember that you have many friends and mentors to whom you may turn if a narcissist texts you and wants to bond. Make a point of mentioning how much better you are feeling in your new social situation. Rather than thanking them for their interest and care, you might indicate that you’ve moved on from the situation.
  • “I appreciate that you took the time to contact me. In fact, I’m doing rather well! “Take care!” “I’m enjoying myself tremendously in this new city. Everyone is quite pleasant. Simply said, I don’t have a lot of spare time right now!” “The instructors at my school is outstanding and quite helpful. ” I have a slew of projects on which I need to concentrate. “Be careful!”
  1. 1 Maintain a cheerful tone in your text chats to put them at ease. Treat them with the same understanding and compassion that you would exhibit to anybody else in their situation. Send considerate notes that anybody would be pleased to receive. For example, you may inquire about their aspirations or inquire about their current emotions. You can discuss about school or their loneliness for a short period of time. Then, with courtesy, bring the discussion to a close, put your phone down, and relax
  • If narcissists are encouraged and shown understanding, some research suggests that they can learn empathy over time. If you are going to respond to a narcissist by text, make sure you have a large number of friends with whom you can discuss your feelings afterwards. Respond only when you have the necessary energy to participate.
  1. 1 So that they can assess their own tendencies, refer them to a competent therapist for assistance. Encourage them to get help from a mental health expert to work through any difficulties they are experiencing when they engage with others. Maintain a wide and general tone in your writing. All you have to do is bring out that you believe they may benefit from learning more about how they handle their relationships
  • 1 To assist in the evaluation of their behavior patterns, refer them to a licensed therapist. Recommend that they speak with a mental health expert to work through any difficulties they are having interacting with others. Maintain a wide and general tone with your wording. Simply stating that you believe they should learn more about how they handle their relationships will suffice.
  1. 1 Rely on relaxation techniques to help you maintain your calm. If you get a text from a narcissist, it is important that you take care of yourself by doing some grounding exercises. Put your phone down and pay attention to how your body is reacting. In the event that your muscles are clenching, rotate your shoulders and massage the area around your jaw. Taking ten or more deep breaths will keep your heart rate at a typical resting level. Simply close your eyes and relax every muscle group in your body.
  • When you take a deep breath and center yourself, any sensations of anger can begin to vanish. Another option is to envision a picture that makes you feel hopeful or pleased. You could have plans to travel to the beach this weekend or you might be attending a wonderful wedding this weekend.
  1. It is possible to let go of any sentiments of rage when you take a deep breath and center yourself. A visual picture that inspires optimism or happiness can also be used to aid in the process. There is a possibility that you will be attending a wonderful wedding this weekend or that you will be going to the beach on Saturday.
  • When you have a large number of individuals to reach out to, it will be much simpler to go “no contact.” Ask your pals whether they are prepared to discuss the text in depth. If they’re too busy or have a lot on their plate, you may always reschedule a time to speak with them. In the event that certain friends need to chat later, remain in touch with other individuals to ensure that you have the support you require
  1. 1 You should schedule an appointment so that you can assess the impact of the text. Consult with a skilled specialist who specializes in recovery from narcissistic abuse. They can guide you through methods that will help you to develop self-esteem, confidence, and solid boundaries in your life. Whenever you require a safe space to communicate your thoughts and feelings concerning a narcissist and their treatment, a therapist may assist you in going “no contact” and providing you with the option to do so.
  • It is possible to be helped by an addiction therapist who has been educated in “trauma bonding therapy,” which is a chemical reaction that is generated when a narcissist reaches out to you. A sort of manipulation known as “gaslighting,” which may cause you to question your views, can be identified through talk therapy as well. A therapist is concerned with validating your experiences
  • Your sessions will be primarily concerned with discussing your self-worth and the happiness you deserve.
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About This Article

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After all this time, you’ve finally been separated from your narcissist, and you’re no longer subjected to his daily abuse, passive aggressive manipulation, or relentless attempts to make you out to be the bad guy. Or do you think you do? Just though he is your ex-boyfriend does not mean that his actions will cease. Communication with your ex will be necessary at some point, especially if you are coparenting your children. However, because he is a narcissist, even the most basic act of communication appears to be nearly difficult for him.

  • Alternatively, a simple request for him to accompany your child to a sporting event might devolve into a full-blown dispute.
  • In other words, it’s an attempt to draw you into his narcissistic fantasy world, where he is always the victim/martyr and you are always the aggressor.
  • He needs to tell himself (and others) that he is still very exceptional, but because you are now divorced, he understands that you no longer regard him to be the prince he is attempting to be in his own right.
  • So, how can you interact with someone who perceives you as a perpetual threat to their safety?
  • It only requires a small amount of effort and concentration on your side.
  • If he insults you or makes a dig at your self-esteem, do not respond in kind.
  • Keep your focus on the task at hand – repeat the inquiry and wait for a response to come.

By engaging him, he has gained access to another round of supplies, no matter how terrible the situation is.

Respond with a simple “yes” or “no”: Unfortunately, Narcissists are incapable of writing an email or text without passive aggressively questioning your ability to operate as an adult.

Respond with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses, or with purely factual responses such as “yes, I will be picking up the kids at 5 p.m.

3)Ignore his “love bombs”:Perhaps you’ve been hoping for an ounce of empathy from him, or anything that demonstrates he actually loves you, but it’s been years since you’ve gotten anything.

They may appear out of nowhere, at the most inconvenient of times, and if you have any prospect of reconciliation, these love bombs are quite harmful – don’t be taken in by them!

He is most likely running low on supplies, and because you have always been the one reliable provider, he comes racing after you to replenish his stock.

How to manipulate your opponent: What do narcissists desire more than anything else?

If you truly need something from him, you may have to complement him in order to get what you want.

If you want your consumer to make a purchase, you must use persuasive language and make it about the customer rather than about you.

If you need him to pick up Sally from soccer practice because you are stalled at work, merely asking him to do so may not be enough of a request.

I know how wonderful you are with her, and I figured that the additional time would make her feel especially loved and appreciated.

In the beginning of your relationship with your narcissist, you probably had few boundaries and continued to disregard the warning signals out of desperation to please him.

They take and take from individuals who give and give and take and take and take.

This indicates that you should cease doing him favors, even if they are beneficial to your child.

Alternatively, he may request that you take the children on a weekend that you were not anticipating, in which case you cancel your plans out of courtesy (after all, extra kid time is a good thing, right?).

You will almost certainly get burnt since a narcissist is never concerned with your well-being or that of others.

Allowing him to be late or altering his schedule is not acceptable.

If something doesn’t sit well with you, express your dissatisfaction.

He will never behave in the manner that you desire, and you will never be able to alter him.

Once you are aware of his limitations, you will no longer have to go through the exhausting process of attempting to change him or hope that he would change his mind. Above all, try to remember advice 1, ‘Do Not Engage’ — it will save you a lifetime of worry and headaches if you follow it.

12 Ideas How to Respond to a Narcissist Text?

It is wonderful to be able to connect solely with individuals who are kind to you and with whom you actually love conversing! However, life is a complex business, and we occasionally have to maintain contact with people who are considerably less pleasant and honest than we would want. If you have to speak with a narcissist, you will experience all of the worst aspects of communication, whether you like it or not, believe it or not. Simply put, such individuals are unable to behave in any other manner.

As a result, in this essay, we will first and foremost supply you with instances of narcissistic text messages.

In addition, you will learn how to properly reply to a message that has been given to you by a narcissist in order to avoid allowing him or her to make you feel annoyed or guilty (since that is exactly what these individuals like doing!).

If you follow the advice in this article, we are confident that your communication will become better and more tranquil, and that you will even be able to rid yourself of these “communication vampires” once and for all!

How to Respond to a Narcissist Text Message?

Being a recipient of SMS messages from an abusive person is frequently difficult, if not downright painful! Individuals like this appear to take pleasure in manipulating your thoughts and feelings, making you feel guilty or annoyed or ashamed, among other things. In addition, because they are skilled manipulators, they know precisely what to say and how to say it in order to elicit the emotional response they desire from you. If you have been locked in this “communication cage,” it is understandable that you will be unable to examine the issue and answer calmly and accurately.

Furthermore, it is always beneficial to have a couple of these words on hand in case you find yourself in a situation where you don’t know what to reply back to a Narcissist!

Ignore Their Messages

You may call it impolite. We assure you that such is not the case! It is preferable to disregard their words in order to protect yourself and provide yourself with some relaxation. Don’t respond to text messages from narcissists, as this is considered “no contact.” The most crucial thing to remember is that you must disregard any communication from a narcissist. The most effective approach to practice this strategy is to erase any text messages you get from others.

You can also choose to block the phone number of a narcissist. When you have eliminated all means of communication with them, reward yourself with enjoyable activities and excellent company. Credits: marrio31, courtesy of Canva. In a similar vein, how do you respond when he finally texts back?

Answer With “Yes” Or “No” If You Can’t Quit the Communication

You might think this is rude. No, we don’t think so! It is preferable to disregard their material in order to protect yourself and provide relief. Leave a narcissist’s SMS unanswered in accordance with the “no contact” policy. The most crucial thing to remember is that you must disregard any communication from a narcissist. When using this strategy, it’s preferable if you erase any text messages that come your way. Another option is to block the phone number of a narcissist. Treat yourself to enjoyable activities and excellent company once you have eliminated all means of communication with them.

In a related article, learn how to respond when he finally texts back.

Express Your Boundaries When You Reply

Specify the type of therapy you are willing to take in order to advocate for yourself. Inform the individual that he or she will only be able to text once a week or after work. If necessary, you might explain that you only have a limited amount of time for a talk. If you need to talk about facts rather than views, feel free to do so as well. Clearly communicate what is best for you and any guidelines you require them to follow in order to keep in touch with you. Images courtesy of U.Ozel.Images through Related:What to Do When Someone Says LOL?

Share Your Own Experiences If a Narcissist Writes You About Memories

  • Discuss past incidents that you recall, being sure to highlight your point of view. Respond to a text written from the narcissist’s point of view with your own personal description of any scenario in which that person is involved. Consider the following scenario: If a narcissist accuses you of prioritizing work, you may respond by reminding the individual that you do not work extra and that you take vacations. Return to whatever point you choose to make and be sure to take your own findings into consideration
  • Texting While Narcissistic: 5 Telltale Signs

Compliment a Narcissist If You Need a Favor

Discuss past incidents that you recall and make a strong case for your viewpoint. Respond to a paragraph written from the narcissist’s point of view with your own personal description of any incident in which that person is a participant. Example: If someone accuses you of prioritizing work above family, remind them that you don’t put in overtime hours and that you take vacations in reaction to their accusations. Return to any point you choose to make and consider the validity of your own observations.

Tell Them You Have Other People to Talk To

A narcissist wants you to be completely focused on him or her at all times since losing your attention is equivalent to death to him or her. As a result, if you receive a text from a narcissist and understand that the person is looking to form a relationship with you, inform them that you have a large number of friends and mentors. Make a point of mentioning how much better you are feeling in your new social situation. The narcissist might appreciate your interest and concern, and then you can indicate that you’ve moved on from them.

Exchange Texts Easily And Positively

Treat them with the same understanding and compassion that you would exhibit to anybody else in their situation. Send considerate notes that anybody would be pleased to receive. For example, you may inquire about their aspirations or inquire about their current emotions. You can discuss about school or their loneliness for a short period of time. Then, with courtesy, bring the discussion to a close, put your phone down, and relax. Credits: JESHOOTS, courtesy of Canva.

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Practice Relaxation Methods

You may have to use such strategies while communicating with someone who is a narcissist, after all! These individuals frequently like making others feel uncomfortable when conversing with them, simply because it provides them with the energy and attention they so desperately want. If you get a text from a narcissist, it is important that you take care of yourself by doing some grounding exercises. Put your phone down and pay attention to how your body is reacting. In the event that your muscles are clenching, rotate your shoulders and massage the area around your jaw.

Taking ten or more deep breaths will keep your heart rate at a typical resting level. Close your eyes and let each and every muscle group to relax. Images courtesy of michaelpuche, through

Talk to a Friend to Discuss the Problem

It can be a good idea to discuss your concerns with individuals in whom you have confidence. Simply inquire as to whether your buddy has the availability to listen to you and whether you would be able to discuss your issues with him or her. It will assist you in detaching yourself from the circumstance and viewing it from a different perspective.

Schedule an Appointment With a Therapist

It may appear that you are going insane and need treatment, but what narcissists actually do is a kind of abuse! When things don’t feel right between you and your narcissistic interlocutor, it is necessary to talk with it with a skilled professional. In addition to boosting your self-esteem and confidence, the therapist can teach you psychological skills that will assist you in keeping your narcissist on a tight leash! As you can see, responding to a narcissist is not really difficult in the vast majority of circumstances.

This is why we recommend that you become familiar with the most typical communication characteristics of a narcissist in order to be able to identify and categorize these individuals quickly.

All You Need to Know About Narcissist Texting Style

For individuals who have never had the opportunity to meet or connect with narcissists in a meaningful way, identifying them may be challenging. This is primarily due to the fact that narcissists are quite skilled at manipulating, and as a result, they might appear to be really lovely and kind at first. However, if you keep in touch with them for a longer period of time, they will eventually expose their genuine identity. Check out the fundamental communication qualities that a narcissist’s text may have in order to determine whether or not the person is a narcissist (this is especially important if you are dubious of the person’s motives).

They Overload You With Messages

You’ll be drowning with text messages from these folks in a matter of minutes! They constantly anticipate a prompt answer since this is how they keep your attention; as a result, you will receive messages every minute.

Inconsistency In the Feeling Element

Your narcissist will vary between the warm and the cold, all in the name of causing uncertainty in you. You never know what to anticipate while dealing with them! Is it going to be enjoyable and good, or are you going to be the target of a snide remark? Thanks to RODNAE Productions and for the images.

Ambiguity In Their Messages

When communicating through SMS with a narcissist, you must continually interpret their communications since they frequently use figurative language. What the hell was he talking about this time?!


Ooooh, they’re really excellent at this! This deafening quiet as you’re trying to figure out where the hell that individual has disappeared?! Obviously there will be no message from the other side as a result of this.

Fake Care

Those useless texts, the random messages that appear to indicate they care but in reality don’t signify anything in real life, are what they like sending to one another.

Something along the lines of “Just wondering how you’re doing” or “I’ve been missing you.”

It Is Never About You!

Without a doubt, this is not the case! It’s always about them, and it’s always about them completely. There are no questions about you ever asked. Instead, you will receive a slew of selfies, as well as the continual babble of the host.

Word Salad

That occurs when a narcissist believes that you are going to be freed from your prison cell by the authorities. It is at this point that you begin to receive those excessively lengthy texts with half-apologies, explanations, and vows to change. Everything is designed to keep you interested and involved. In this case, if you discover that any of your friends or individuals in your immediate environment remind you of this description, you should pay closer attention: it’s possible that person is a narcissist masquerading as someone else?

Tips For Communicating With Narcissist

So, how are you supposed to communicate with such a person in the first place?! It is not an easy task, but it is still doable to complete. Of course, you’ll have to be mindful of who you’re speaking with at all times, and you’ll want to keep the narcissist as far away from your personal boundaries as possible. However, if you are unable to terminate communication with this individual, here are some suggestions to make the process less difficult for you.

  1. Don’t get involved. Don’t respond to someone who has insulted you. Don’t put oneself in a defensive position. Don’t make any threats. All you have to do now is focus on the purpose of your conversation and wait for a narcissist to respond
  2. Only “yes” or “no” responses are acceptable. If a narcissist is your ex-boyfriend or your ex-husband, ignore his “love bombs” and move on. These folks never, ever change, therefore he’s only attempting to link you up with them once more
  3. Establish clear limits. Narcissists want to take and despise the act of giving. So simply cease to be their suppliers! Always be prepared to declare, “That’s not acceptable to me!”

The image is courtesy of Torsten Dettlaff (via Canva) As a result, that is all we had to say regarding how to deal with and interact with a narcissistic individual for the time being. Having close connection with these individuals is challenging, but if you are unable to quit for whatever reason, utilize the suggestions and tactics we provided to at the very least make it simpler and less emotionally unpleasant for yourself!

Frequently Asked Questions

It’s quite likely that this individual is.

⭐ Is it possible to change a narcissist somehow?

If this individual takes psychological therapy, there is a good possibility that he or she will improve in some way. However, you will not be able to make one in order to get treated.

⭐ Is being a narcissist a disorder?

No, it is not a mental illness.

Responding vs. Reacting (Avoid the narcissist’s trap + learn a valuable life skill)

Responding vs reacting is an issue that is crucial to discuss in the rehabilitation process following narcissistic abuse. This is how you avoid falling into the trap that the narcissist has laid out in front of you, which urges you to act in a way that is inconsistent with your values. That being said, I’m going to explain what the distinction is between responding and reacting. I’m going to tell you about some of the ways this manifests itself in certain relationships. So, let me explain what your responsibilities are and where the problem could be coming from.

  • It’s critical to recognize that your reaction or response is entirely your responsibility, regardless of the circumstances.
  • That is totally their responsibility.
  • Your reaction is entirely your responsibility, which is one of the reasons why narcissists would lay so much emphasis on your reaction rather than the real abuse that occurred.
  • You seemed to have entirely forgotten what you were talking about by the time they were just interested in your reply to their questions and comments.
  • In order to help you deal with this, I’d want to explain what mindfulness is and how it differs from other methods of dealing with problems.
  • Something like a stimulus occurs, and you respond in a specific manner, and it’s an emotional reaction.
  • There is no reasonable or logical support for this, and you have probably not even considered the ramifications of your actions.

After that, you responded without taking the time to answer from a place of awareness beforehand.

In contrast to an illogical emotional reaction that results in some sort of outcome that you didn’t truly desire, this is what happens when you respond.

Perhaps you do something that is inconsistent with your own values and then discover that you don’t really like yourself.

Alternatively, it is possible that you become the focal point as a result of whatever you did in response to the abuse that occurred or to the provocation that occurred.

Sometimes it comes in the form of deeds, but more often it comes in the form of a phrase that is intended to provoke you and elicit an emotional response from you.

With your emotional reaction, you provide fuel to the manipulator.

Almost everything the narcissist does in the beginning is intended to test your reaction in order to determine how you will react.

When they say things like “I love you” or “I miss you,” or other similar phrases, they are attempting to draw you into their web of lies.

Everything is being done to see how you would respond.

When you truly grasp that you understand your power, you understand that reacting is giving away your power and responding is empowering yourself, and you are less likely to fall into the trap of reacting rather than responding.

Whatever they say, it will always be untrue to some extent.

“I feel sad when you do this,” you’ll say.

“I feel sad when you do this.” You’ll know yourself and you’ll know that you’re not doing this, they’re doing this.

” “Oh my gosh!” you exclaim, and you start to panic.

They are looking for your indignation.

They want you to feel outraged by what they’re saying, and then they want you to defend yourself against them.

Although you want to defend yourself and vindicate yourself because you know that you are not doing so, this will always get you stuck in that spiderweb, the narcissist’s trap, and you will lose a lot of time and energy in circular discussions.

It is possible to foresee a person’s emotional response, but it is far more difficult to predict their conduct.

People who work in sales, for example, understand that you must first elicit an emotional response from the customer before convincing them to accept your offer and perform the desired action.

if you don’t buy this automobile, you’re not going to get all the gorgeous females” or “If you don’t buy this clothing, you can be sure that a guy will not give you the time of day.” It is also reported in the media.

In essence, they elicit your emotional reaction and then forecast the behavior you will exhibit, as well as the action that you will do, as a result of that response.

That’s why I refer to it as “fear porn.” Its purpose is to make you fearful, and when you are fearful, you will agree to virtually anything.

They renounce their civil rights in the process.

It could be something completely fictitious that they plant in your mind in order to elicit a response from you.

The issue isn’t simply about getting back on your feet following narcissistic abuse.

Ultimately, if you can train and teach yourself to stop that process, to create a little breathing room, to become more mindful, and to respond in a way that is in integrity and alignment with your own values, you will feel a lot better about yourself, about the decisions that you’re making, and about the actions that you’re taking in your life.

Keep in mind that when you’re having a conversation with the Narcissist or another Cluster B personality, if you don’t agree with them, if your beliefs and opinions are in opposition to what they want you to do, or if your actions are in conflict with what they desire, you will have an opportunity to practice responding rather than reacting.

  1. They have to have influence over you, they have to have control over your beliefs and your thoughts.
  2. In the event that you do not reply, do not react in that manner, do not perform in the manner that they desire, do not agree with them or do anything that they find acceptable, or express any viewpoint that does not conform to theirs, a narcissist will interpret this as criticism.
  3. A normal individual will not read into that dispute as if you are assaulting them or as if you are condemning them in any way.
  4. We don’t all have to have the same views, and we don’t all have to believe the same things in order to get along.
  5. Despite the fact that we don’t agree on everything, we can still have a good time together.
  6. Because they believe you have somehow harmed them by not agreeing with them, not believing them, or not behaving in the manner they want you to, it becomes a case of narcissistic damage.
  7. It is for this reason that it is so critical to comprehend these dynamics.

As soon as you find yourself on the defense, everyone’s attention is immediately drawn to you.

The narcissist increases the intensity of their provocations in order to elicit even more reaction from you.

If you don’t pay attention, you’ll completely lose track of what you were talking about, which was the narcissist’s manipulative and abusive conduct.

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Regardless of what their piece of accountability was, and you are well aware that they will not accept any responsibility for themselves, whatever it was that they did, you have completely forgotten about it, and you are now locked in a self-defeating cycle.

So, what is the source of this information?

In essence, response served as a survival strategy.

Someone required you to perform a task, and you were obligated to comply.

It was the worst possible situation, so you quickly learned to respond without thinking.

You didn’t know since it was out of your hands when you were a youngster.

It was a survival mechanism, and you were fortunate enough to survive, which is truly remarkable.

Any situation in everyday life, whether it’s with the narcissist or something completely unrelated, can occur.

It is for this reason that responding rather than reacting is more empowering.

One very important thing to remember before you even consider participating in that conversation is to put your ego and your pride aside and place them somewhere else.

It is extremely important because the emotional reaction is linked to the ego as well as the body.

The only thing it will do is to catch you in that trap.

They’re going to make accusations against you.

That’s OK; you don’t have to reply in any way; you may simply listen to what they have to say.

You should avoid defending yourself since that is where the trap lies.

Your participation in the conversation will be maintained.

Your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend will try everything they can to convince you to reconsider breaking up and no longer hanging out with or talking to them.

The only way to deal with this is to set your ego aside and be willing to listen to anything they have to say about you, because you know yourself and you know it isn’t true about you.

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

So if you want to jump in there and protect yourself, you’re going to have to ask yourself that question before proceeding.

If you choose to be joyful, you’re just going to let that be your reality.

How can you learn to respond rather than react when you are faced with a situation?

You always have the option of taking three deep breaths before responding in any way.

The second phase is to become more aware of your physical body.

For example, you could realize that your stomach is churning and that it is rising into your chest before bursting out into your face.

In this case, if you notice a pattern in your body, a pathway that the anger is taking, you can begin to catch up with it and calm it.

Perhaps you sense that you have a burning sensation in your mouth and that you are ready to spew out words that you will later regret.

If you want to know what it feels like in your body, ask yourself what it feels like.

Take note of the mechanism that is operating within your body in response to that feeling.

It will bring you into the present moment in your body, and the more present you are, the more tools you will have at your disposal to deal with the situation.

Finally, as you’re buying yourself more time by becoming more present and grounded in your body, ask yourself, using your logical and rational brain, what the ramifications of responding in that manner will be.

Nevertheless, if you have been acquainted with this someone for some time, it is possible to forecast their behavior to a certain situation.

Or do you want to let it go and simply tell them, “I understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore; I don’t want to have any further contact with you; I wish you the best,” and that’s the end of the conversation?

Nobody can compel you to do anything.

Whatever they are doing is wrong, and whatever you feel in response to that is your responsibility, and you have the ability to choose your own feelings about what is happening.

Instead of reacting in the same manner that gets you into problems over and over again, try something new.

This will have an impact on your entire life, not just your relationship with the narcissist.


And keep in mind that you don’t have bad days; you just allow those days to become bad.

When something bad happens, you must find a way to get back on your feet. You’ll have to work hard to get yourself out of that funk. In order to respond in a way that promotes your welfare, you must make choices rather than allowing someone or something else to dictate your feelings and behavior.

7 typical text messages from a narcissist – Mariette Jansen Life Coach

When you get a text message from a narcissist, you become disturbed. In this post, you will learn about the 7 most common text messages sent by narcissists, why they utilize this kind of contact, and how it might damage your life. Text messaging is a fantastic tool for narcissists to use to upset their victims in a variety of ways, and it is particularly effective for this purpose. It provides several opportunity to be evasive, nasty, and defiant. A narcissist believes that they are the center of the universe and that they can manipulate and control the people around them in order to obtain their Narcissistic Supply, which is attention and love from others.

It doesn’t matter whether or not they are receiving unfavorable attention as long as they are being recognized.

How does a narcissist use text messages?

This is the beginning of a process. The reason it takes so long is that your narcissist is engaged in a game of push and pull. They knock you to the ground, but then they pick you up. It is perplexing, and you will begin to see that you are riding the sea-saw of dread and optimism.

Overload of text messages

It is likely that you may receive a flood of texts from them. They are looking for a speedy answer, and it is their technique of keeping your attention. Trying to concentrate on anything else while a text comes in every few minutes makes it tough to stay on track.

Inconsistency in the feeling element

Your narcissist will vary from being warm and being chilly. This is done in order to cause confusion in you. You’re not sure what to expect: will it be enjoyable and good, or will you be on the receiving end of a snide remark? What do you think of the following sequence:

  • Hello there, beautiful. I’m missing you terribly. I’m looking forward to seeing you. Tell me what you’re up to these days. Please refrain from texting me so frequently
  • I am really busy and unable to concentrate. Please explain why you didn’t respond to my SMS message. You should know that when I say don’t text me so often, I don’t mean that you should ignore me. It gives me the impression that you don’t like me
Ambiguity in the messages

When you play with words, it’s possible that you’re continuously deciphering the meanings. What, exactly, are they referring to? Examples:

  • Yesterday was a good time. Despite the fact that I’m suffering from a headache right now. Thank you
  • Do you want to meet up during the weekend? After you answer yes, there is a moment of stillness
  • You are a nice buddy. My other friend and I are almost as close as we are.

Is there a point in your life where you wonder where the hell your narcissist has vanished to? Are you going out to razzle dazzle? Are you taking a vacation? Ill?

Fake caring message

Unexpected communications that demonstrate that they care, but which have no real-world significance. This is especially true following a time of ghosting.

  • Hello there, I hope everything is well with you. I haven’t heard from you in quite some time
  • I was just wondering how you were doing, dear person
  • I’ve been thinking about you.

After that, we’ll talk about honesty and compassion. They talk about how much they despise liars and cheats and how they are not like that.

It is never about you

There are no questions being asked about you specifically. It is all about them, and they continue to ramble on. They have a tendency to send a lot of selfies, and it appears to be a fairly one-way communication method.

Word salad

Whenever things become a little dicey in the relationship and your narcissist suspects they could lose control, you’ll get these really long letters filled with explanations, half-apologies, pledges to reform, and other crap. Everything is designed to keep you interested and involved. Messaging provides several possibilities to overstep limits (such as the time spent texting), ask improper questions, and make harsh and uncomfortable statements, among other things.

If that happens and if your text conversations show the above indicators, why not step away and stay in control?

A intimate relationship with a narcissist will be harmful to you, will damage your confidence, and will almost certainly result in misery.

If you have a narcissist in your life and want to learn how to deal with them more effectively, my best-selling self-help book, “From Victim to Victor — Narcissism Survival Guide,” will provide you with insights, skills, and methods to help you deal with them more effectively.

13 Signs You’re Texting with a Narcissist

Everyone, especially in this digital era, is a little bit of a narcissist. We’re all guilty of attempting to attract attention online or hiding behind a false identity. When you come across a genuine narcissist, though, it’s a very different situation. One of the difficulties is that you will not be aware that you are in the presence of a narcissist until it is much too late. By the time you realize what they really look like, they’ve already wormed their way into your heart, head, bed, and bank account.

  1. You may be communicating with a narcissist if you see any of these 13 indicators.
  2. That is not to argue, however, that only men are capable of becoming narcissists.
  3. Narcissists will profess their everlasting love for you very quickly when they first meet you.
  4. It will be theatrical and lengthy, and he will use the phrase “soulmates” to describe them both.
  5. In order to establish authority, the perpetrator must first make the victim feel uneasy and befuddled.
  6. Due to his fondness for video games, he seldom answers immediately quickly, and when he does, he does it in the form of brief, impersonal letters.
  7. A narcissist can vanish for days, weeks, or even months at a time without a trace.

If you answer, he will know that he hasn’t given up on you yet.

It will be something along the lines of: “Hey, are you all right?” or “I’m concerned about you” or “Do you require anything?” “I just had a question” or “I’m always there to help.” How can you tell whether someone is genuinely concerned or if they are using you as a narcissistic hook?

As a general rule, he will not phone or text first (unless he is in the “love bombing” stage of the aggressive chase).

This is usually done when the other person has the impression that you are ready to cut him out of your life, and he wants to make sure you are still on the hook.

It is OK to make a point once in a while.

Honest individuals do not attempt to persuade you that they are honest.

A narcissist enjoys bragging about himself and emphasizing how amazing, brilliant, intelligent, and outstanding he is in order to make himself appear more impressive to others.

You’ve been chatting with him for a while now, and you’ve been asking him a lot of questions about himself.

There’s something about them that doesn’t appear to care about getting to know you.

And if you’re getting those on a regular basis, it’s likely that he’s also sending them to at least ten other individuals.

With little effort, you can get ten times the amount of narcissistic supply!

“Word salad” of half-assed apology, love proclamation, and hazy assurances that better days are ahead is what we have here from a classic narcissistic rant.

They like displaying their abilities, and they do so at every opportunity.

You should be on the lookout for a narcissist if you’re getting those brief and seemingly sweet”Hey girl”or”Thinking of you”messages about 11:30 night.

Perhaps it’s someone you’ve only recently begun messaging on a casual basis.

Or even someone with whom you are currently involved.

Texting makes it quite simple for a narcissist to remain undetected in public.

It is impersonal, rapid, and requires little to no effort on the part of the user. When it comes to playing mind games or pretending to be someone else, it is the ideal medium. Don’t fall into the trap! Consider the following questions:

  • What do I think of this person’s treatment of me? Do they appear to be truly interested in getting to know me as a person? Are they forthright and forthright in their expression of their feelings? Are they, for the most part, easily accessible? Do they pay attention when I speak?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions, consider twice before responding to that seemingly benign text message. Depending on your actions, you might be opening the door to a world of pain, abuse, and remorse. The most essential thing to remember is that you are in command and that you understand what is right and what is wrong. Always go with your gut instinct. If something doesn’t feel quite right, it probably is.


7 Spiritual Lessons You Can Learn from a Narcissistic Partner All Narcissists Will Enjoy These 7 Clever Dating Games Play Listed below are ten different types of women who attract narcissists.

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